


Goodbye to a world

by MercenaryBlood



Series: Worlds [1]
Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, 真女神転生IV | Shin Megami Tensei IV
Genre: Comfort, I did kinda hint to the thing that happens with Jonathan tho, M/M, Nightmares, No Spoilers, They are so fun to write like but old english is hard whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercenaryBlood/pseuds/MercenaryBlood
Summary: Jonathan screams fall upon deaf ears in a world he wakes in but he sees only one thing. Light. A bright harsh burning light.He wants to go home.He wants to see Walter.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fimbulvetrstar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fimbulvetrstar/gifts).



> oKAY FUCKIN' FIM GOT ME IN THE SMT IV SIN BIN AND JESUS CHRIST THAT GAME IS GOOD
> 
> I watched a walk through with her and holy shit Jonathan and Walter are my gay children I want them to be happy and SMT IV woN't LET ME HAVE THAT BECAUSE EVERY ENDING IS NOT GOOD FOR THESE TWO
> 
> i hate u fim for getting me in this sin bin i love it thank u

Light. A harsh burning white light was the only thing his young senses were exposed to ; No wind or chirping. Just a harsh white reality in front of him. One might not think of this situation with fear as it seems rather peaceful, but Jonathan found it absolutely terrifying. A world filled with nothing but sensory deprivation was one he wanted no part of. Every scream fell upon deaf ears, every tear was not felt, sigh was rendered useless. He wanted to return to the world he knew; He wanted his world back. Breaking down right in the middle of a white apocalypse was not how he wanted to live, he wanted not to stand with chattering knees and a weak stomach. Bracing himself for the impact of collapsing on his hands and knees the poor boy thought, What lead to this hell? An eternity alone with never ending silence was not how he pictured death. Crying out warm tears slid down rosy cheeks as his fists pounded relentlessly against the ground, He never wanted this. Where was Flynn? Isabeau? Where was Walter...? Jonathan thought as he finally gave as just curled in on himself assuming a fetal position. _I never told them good-bye...I never had the chance to tell him how much he truly meant to me..._

 

Jonathan awoke with a start as he felt he could not breathe, his chest rendered tight and his throat too dry for words or oxygen. Sitting up as fast as humanly possible in his daze, He forced struggled breaths out while his mind tried to remember what had happened. A hollow stomach teased with sickness but he felt no need to act upon this it but covered his mouth just as a safety precaution.Fingertips buzzing with touch and eyes wide as he struggled to absorb what his senses were alerting him too. He had finally woke from his horrible terror; One might not think of that world as a night terror or nightmare but it was truly hell.Turning his gaze upon the sleeping body beside him finally set off all the signs he needed, He couldn't stop the hot tears rolling down his cheeks and the strangled breathing and hiccups coming from his mouth. Every fiber of his being just wanted to scream out just so he could hear himself but Walter was sleeping so soundly; He didn't have the heart to do such a thing.

 

He would just watch Walter toss and turn in bed as his sleeping body struggled to find a position to get comfortable with now that Jonathan was sitting up. He would treasure this sight; He wasn't just thinking that, With that white hell he truly would now. When dark eyes slowly began to blink open his heart stopped, Had he been too loud without realizing it? As Walter slowly begun to wake he started to sit up, his gaze glazed and tired as he still struggled to wake."Hoy, What are you doing Jonathan? Such-" A yawn, "Such an hour is not good for the soul. You need more sleep for you have not been sleeping so soundly."

 

"Yes, I know Walter." A tired sigh." But I have- No, You don't need to hear my words. I do not wish to bother you with them."

 

With a hand on his shoulder, Walter spoke once more. "If I did not wish-" Another yawn but this was more sharp, Very cute."If I did not wish to listen, Would I be awake at this un-godly hour?"

 

"You are awake because I meant not to wake you. I was simply a little too loud." Now that words were being exchanged Jonathan wanted nothing more than to bury himself with the sheets and hide from Walter. But the crushing abyss of white was what he wanted to run from, He had wanted to face this with a steeled gaze and an iron heart but...He was scared. Fear loomed over him like that of a attacking demon and he knew he had to strike back with full force but he couldn't. The fear was simply too strong and he couldn't face it alone.

 

"I am awake because I woke of my own volition." A hand cupped Jonathan's cheek as Walter spoke. It didn't take him long to notice fresh tear tracks and to wipe them clean from his face with a soft thumb."Why is it that you weep? Did a terror visit you in the night?"

 

Embarrassment was a fan of his at this moment and Jonathan did not particularly care for it at this moment. Cheeks flushed he averted his gaze; He felt like a child being comforted by a parent it only made him want to curl up." I-I was."

 

"You do not have to be embarrassed or scared, Jonathan. "

 

"I'm not it's just- I..." He couldn't lie to Walter, He had to tell the truth. "I'm lying, My apologizes. I am indeed scared but not of speaking of such terror."

 

"You're scared of it repeating?"

 

"Oh yes Walter. It was truly frighting." He had trusted Walter with his heart many weeks ago and they boy did well in protecting it. A part of him believed Walter would jest and joke about his terror but he knew he would never do a thing so heinous." A world a pure white surrounded me; Senses did not work there so I was left alone in a blank abyss. I would scream but my voice should fall upon deaf ears, I would punch the ground but I felt only numbness." Looking down at his own hands he could feel himself shake, "I cried and begged god but no one was there to listen." He could felt Walter shift to sit closer and he appreciated the action."Do you see what I'm describing?" If that was heaven I am terrified."I blinked in the abyss, preying to awake, only to find myself staring within it's endless light. I craved to be released because I wanted to say good-bye if God were to take me." Now gazing at Walter he could feel tears threatening to spill, "I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me."

 

Walter could feel tears in his own eyes seeing Jonathan pour his heart and mind out to him. Yes, Once making this commitment he had promised to protect Jonathan with every ounce of strength he had in his being but nothing, Nothing could of possibly prepared him for this. Heart thumping against his chest he simply brushed a piece of curly hair out of the others eye to which Walter only seemed to notice. Pressing their foreheads together he couldn't help be smile."You're too good for me..." A small chuckle came from him as he held Jonathan closer so that he could whisper to him, "Having a terror such as that but holding concern for the others and I. We don't deserve someone such as you in our lives; I do not deserve a man who loves me as much as you."

 

Jonathan sat in Walter's calm hold as he continued to speak and with him this close he finally let his tears spill.Hastily wrapping his arms around his love, Jonathan let himself break as he buried his face into the crook of Walter's neck. Everyone always told him he was selfless, That the needs of others came before his own, but in truth he wanted nothing more than to be selfish just one time. He knew selfishness would never get him to heaven but he just wanted it only once. At this moment Jonathan wanted to be selfish. He wanted to be very selfish and was willing to take all of Walter's comforting words, he wanted every shred of love, and He needed to feel alive. As he cried he felt a soft hand on his back rubbing away the pain, Walter wanted to make him feel safe and it was working. Every one of his senses enjoyed the contact and he just needed one more, "Please Walter...I need you to say something."

 

"Anything."

 

"Y-You know what to say..." A slightly muffled voice caused Walter to push him away slightly. As he no longer remained hidden he was forced to hold eye contact. "I-I..."

 

"I will always be by your side Jonathan." _This isn't what I wanted but I appreciate it all the same_. "I, with fire in my heart, will cherish your love everyday. You need to finally hear this from my own mouth. Jonathan, I will love you until time itself ends. Nothing could possibly have the strength to stop it."

 

Every morning he cherished the look of sleep on Walter's drooling face, Every afternoon he cherished the look of pure relaxation as they enjoined their meals together, every night he was glad to return to the chambers he shared with him. Walter claimed the he was too good for him but Jonathan thought of it as the reverse; Yes they fought but he always cared. In honesty, He thought Walter was too good for him. But that wouldn't stop him from loving him forever.Looking him dead in the eye and with a racing heart, Jonathan mumbled to him." Walter, I don't deserve everything you do for me. You go out of your way to make sure I, along with the others, to feel safe and protected. But I can say with pure honesty that is one of the many things I love about you."

 

"Jonathan..."

 

"Walter, I love you more than my heart could hope to take."

 

A small and gentle kiss was placed upon Walter's lips as Jonathan signed his love to him. After their shared sign of love the two just lay in bed, Walter with closed eyes and Jonathan with a wide awake body. Their fingers were tightly laced together as the two held hands even in Walter's new state of sleep and squeezing his hand, Jonathan felt just a little safer. Who could actually say what had happened in the terror wasn't a foreboding sign but now, He didn't care one bit if the terror was a sign or just stress on his poor mind. The only thing that mattered right now was Walter. _I'm at my happiest when I'm with you, Walter. I want this to last forever..._

**Author's Note:**

> His nightmare is meant to be like a premonition of his death when he turns into Merkahbah bc baby boi is scared up to that point
> 
> I imagine its like heaven but he's all alone?? Like a whole sensory deprivation thing
> 
> he's 100% alone and there's absolutely no one
> 
> kill me now pls


End file.
